Understanding..

I haven't written in here for a while and I guess its about time to...

Things have been pretty steady and cruising smoothly. I know I have done my study and I'm ready (not sounding over confident) for exams.
I have a greater understanding on some issues now and I'm happy that I found it out for myself.

For one, I am no longer crushing on some guy. Hehe its playful and there's nothing wrong in that, I just no longer feel like I need to like someone. If god wants to send someone for me, then that's his wish, but he isn't sending currently so.. I'm not falling for anyone right now. And I'm happy that way.

My goals in future are clearer and more precise, and I'm so excited to go to MDIS next year and to have my first ever job during the 3 month holiday and to visit Katie during Christmas.

When you have so many things to be happy about, why think of the sad? Wouldn't everyone be happier if they thought about the things they have and be grateful instead of being upset over something they don't have.
If any of this is being hypocritical of myself (Which I strongly doubt) then I apologise. I have changed myself for what I believe is the better.

Sometimes people do feel sad, its inevitable, and its always easier to let the bad memories and thoughts take over your mind, But if you can help yourself change one or forget one bad moment each day, you'd be a much better person to yourself and others.

My faith and belief in God has strengthened during the past 2 weeks and I didn't realise. I have always been grateful for whatever I have but sometimes I do neglect and reflecting back now, it was foolish but hey, Humans were made to make mistakes so we can learn from them, Life after all is a learning journey and the challenges you face along the way are opportunities for you to apply your knowledge. If you are wrong or you fall, everybody falls, its your choice whether you want to get back up and try again with a different method or to just lie there.

I watched a movie today, 'A Walk to Remember' starring Shane West and Mandy Moore. Its an incredible movie that teaches you above true love, and having total faith and understanding in the Lord. There are also songs that Mandy Moore sang for and during the movie which are just beautiful, like 'Only Hope' and 'Cry'. And there is one quote in the movie that I love and I'll end this post with that;

Love is always patient and kind, and is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and it is not resentful.

Bummed

I can't even bear to look at myself anymore. I'm a failure. No question about it and I hate it when people compare my results with their own. Okay, I know I did better than some but still, I have a very different way of looking at marks etc, because I know I have a much higher expectation for myself and my parents have the same on me as well... I just failed my maths by 7%... Feels like 7000%... I don't understand. I worked so hard and I tried my best, It's just not enough.... I just can't get myself out of the thought, Should I give up?


It was Elyas' birthday on Sunday the 17th and it was Mum's on Tuesday the 19th and here are some pictures we took when we went out on Sunday to celebrate...

Perhaps, Too Happy to express...

I can honestly say, I am happy beyond any descriptive words could ever express :] and I have no idea why. Isn't that the strangest ever, I have exams and what not but I am just so happy.
However class today was so boring I fell asleep and well I've finished my art, just need to stick down the pictures on one measly prep board but Hah! No a problem at all mate!

I'm ecstatic, still, about visiting Katie during Christmas or perhaps earlier. I can't stop thinking about and about MDIS. I'm rather excited for that too despite leaving some of my friends behind but I can always keep in contact. I'm quite used to it now.

On a different note...
Have you ever wondered how friendship works? It's rather extraordinary but a beautiful friendship is always unique. That's what makes it beautiful.

First you meet a stranger, and begin small talk.
Small talk tends to ease itself to serious talk or personal talk, then you and the strange tend to relate on personal agendas.
You are then amazed that the both of you have something or sometimes more things in common with each other than ever and begin to feel excited.
Then one of you has to leave. And the whole time you have seen each other, you'd been judging each other mentally until you do see each other again.
Eventually the both of you meet again and begin to hang out with each other more until it becomes like a natural instinct to hang out with each.
THEN COMES THE FIRST FIGHT...over some boy/girl, pen/pencil, behaviour/ gossip/ secret...
It's bound to happen.
Then we the both of you talk it out and about 2 days later, You wouldn't believe the both of you were fighting over something so small. The friendship grows stronger and stronger by each passing fight and moment together until you're no longer friends with each other, more like a family so much so that you can be no one else but yourself to each other.


But what I don't understand about the Asian society is that most of the time, the strangers won't approach you.. Instead you have to approach them...

WHY NOT TAKE THE CHANCE WHILE YOU HAVE ONE?Go my photography :P

Dr Love helped me smile :]

I'm feeling much better now after that little breakdown I had the other day. I feel happier and somewhat relaxed. I know I can make it for my exams and other things that are happening right now and I'm just about finished my Art coursework.

I'm ready for the exams and I can't wait 'til I see Katie again. She texted me the other day. Hehe She was reading our old 'letters without stamps' (Sorta like passing notes in class :P Since our A'hole of a Maths teacher Mr Lynch banded us from speaking :[ How could a girl survive?) and She cried. Awwww. What a darl.. :] So coincidentally the day before I was looking through our old photos.



Oh my, we are both feeling so nostalgic. :P

&&&& Sigh I'm truly taken by him. Not so much so that I know I would get hurt, bbbbuuutttt..... I really like him :[ sigh. Despite what people say, to me, he looks like a darl. :]

Hehe I wrote a song a few weeks ago and its perfect. Its a fun-loving song for like clubs ya know :] I don't write sad songs :P Not my style..

Anyways here it goes...
It's called Speechless...

I never know what to say when I cross your path
'Cause every time I see those eyes, You make me oh so shy
I wanna spill it out, But I wouldn't know what to say
I wanna shout it out, But I wouldn't know how

'Cause you've got me so speechless now..
That's right, You've got me tongue tied and twisted,
You've got me spinning in my mind.
You've got dizzy and clumsy,
When I see you smile.
You've got me so speechless now,
Yeah, You've got me so speechless now.

It's funny how you make me smile on rainy days,
The simple thought of you turns me upside down,
I wanna spill it out, But I wouldn't know what to say,
I wanna shout it out, right now....

'Cause you've got me so speechless now...
I'm tongued tied and twisted,
I'm spinning in my mind,
I'm dizzy and clumsy,
When I see that smile.
You've got me so Speechless now :]

Still working on the bridge
Sighh. I'm a happy chappy. :]

I'm concerned. Stressed. Overworked. In Love. Anxious. Homesick.

I'm sure we all have experienced these emotions before, but we feel and react differently towards them being the different people we are and due to the different reasons we have.

I'm concerned; My art will not be good enough to get an 'A' for my 'N' levels. I can take constructive criticisms but the amount given by teacher A is overwhelming. I'm sorry, I'm not perfect.

I'm the type who tries to please everybody and neglect how I feel. I let people walk all over me and I'm not proud to say it. At first, I don't always make the right choices so I learn the hard way and being the humans we are, I can't take the advice, I give out to others and apply it to my own problems.

Stressed and Overworked to the breaking point. I have too much going on right now and I have tolerated the stress for a long, long time but nothing lasts forever. I just hope I can make through in the end.

Yes, I am in love despite what people say and I want to spill out but I can't. I noticed that in the last few posts, I talk about love, but the fact is, I'm not dependent on it neither am I a sole believer. I talk about love because it's my one escape. A secret for myself.

I am Anxious for the upcoming exams. I want those marks to get me home and to see my sisters from other misters. I miss them so much and not a day goes by that I don't miss my true home and family. Although we may be of different looks and different skin, we are still sisters through and through.

I am Homesick.

I miss the Winter, Summer and Spring.
I miss the beach and hanging out with my mates.
I miss HSHS and how natural the scenery looked.
I miss seeing the lake and seeing our own breath on winter mornings.
I miss the smell of dew on the grass.
I miss having NOT a worry in the world.
I miss goofing off and doing what I want.
I miss the hugs we'd give every morning to each other.
I miss my land.

So much has changed now, Will it all still be there when I come back?